Paanch Sau Rupay

If you live in Delhi, the public transport you use most frequently after the (god bless the scientists for inventing it) Delhi Metro is probably an Autorickshaw. But negotiating for the fare can be a total pain in the ass. The autowallas would never agree to switch on the meter and would demand unreasonable sums of money. And you always end up faking that you’re a daily commuter of every damn place you go to even as rare as once a year.

Today, I went to Kamla Nagar market with a friend of mine. It was quarter past twelve and a pleasantly sunny winter afternoon. We would have walked back to the college after we bought her a new bag if it wasn't for our class scheduled at 12.30 and the delay in preparation of the coffee I had ordered.

So we decided to take an auto which would cost us 30 bucks and five minutes. Generally, we would have to argue with at least 3-4 autowallas before someone would actually agree to go by the legit fare. But today was an unusual day. On one side of the muddy under-construction road, a Sardarji had just arrived. So I asked him, “Uncle, Daulat Ram College jana hai, kitne me chaloge?”

He looked at me, and in a very serious tone said, “Panch sau rupaye (500 rupees)” I thought I had misheard him, then he smiled at me and I realized that he was kidding. So both of us settled in the auto and the Sardarji drove off. In a minute, I started a conversation, justifying that I was asking about the fare beforehand because some autowallas demanded extra money. So he said, “That’s why I asked for 500, beta”

I looked at my friend, and we couldn’t stop laughing. He laughed with us, and said, “Beta aise hi khush raha karo, meri to bass yahi koshish rehti hai ki sab bache yuhi haste rahein.” He had such a jolly vibe that we couldn’t resist laughing at the little jokes he cracked every now and then.

 Both of us were so delighted by this little pleasant encounter, and before we knew, we had already reached college. My friend took out three ten rupee notes and handed  them to him. He took them and smiled, “Beta, 470 rupees balance raha apka.”

It really doesn’t matter who you are and what you do, it doesn’t take a diamond ring or an expensive bouquet to please someone. A little gesture can make you remember a person for your lifetime!

I don’t think if I’d ever be able to pay off the positivity he gave me today, but I really hope I meet him again, just to lessen the monetary debt of 470/- I owe him.

Let go

So I found this very random piece of shit in my laptop's Recycle Bin. And it gave me answers to a certain situation I am presently dealing with.  It makes me think of a jogging track somehow. The whole process of our life is like jogging. You move along the same circular(or elliptical) track, and you come across similar situations over and over again. Yet, whenever you see yourself, and see yourself in retrospection, you're not the person who passed the same point of the track the last time. It's like you're older, you've already been through the same shit and you feel you know how to get out of it. But this is different. It is similar, not exactly the same stuff, and you are as good as an amateur. 
Here it goes, an undated post from a long time ago,influenced by someone, though I don't specifically remember who it was...

‘I don’t feel very well, if you’re free right now, could we talk for a while?’

I type the same message to three people, then erase it, syllable by syllable.

Sometimes you just feel like being alone for a while, and going into a self-introspective mode. You want to talk to that poor lonely soul that you've been unintentionally-or intentionally- ignoring for a long while, and it’s now screaming to come out and vent out its feelings. When you do, however, it’s too much to handle. Because the pressure is so high that all of it comes out like water from the fire extinguisher’s hosepipe, and it becomes too difficult to take, as if the water rushing out will sweep you off your feet. That’s because you haven’t talked to your soul for a long- really long time.

Everyday, we talk to our friends, beg some to stay when they’re leaving, strive to make some feel special on their birthdays, and maybe do whatever with the rest. But there’s someone we often neglect all this while, and that someone isn't even able to show that it’s sad, because it’s a part of you and it understands that you’re dealing with more important stuff and you need time to finish it right now. It is supportive enough not to torment you amidst your preoccupations. But that poor soul of yours is most often neglected, and in extreme cases, choked to death by the pressure of your own external obligations.

What are you doing?

What is your aim in life?

What makes you happy?

Do you really want to be with the people you presently are?

Are you really willing to try harder to keep hold of those who don’t even care if you’re alive?

Again, are you really doing what makes you happy?

Then it all comes to your realization.

You thought what you are doing would make you happy, but halfway through, you realize that it isn't working out for you, and you try to reassure yourself that it is just a phase and things would get back to normal and all these negative thoughts would then be out of your mind and you will again fall in love with the thing you are currently doing because that was the plan from the beginning and that is why you started it in the very first place.
You try to finish the crappy book that you initially thought was amazing but just because you don’t want to go against your previous assumption (that it was going to be amazing), you keep convincing your mind that you will eventually find it amazing when you finish reading it but you’re just being tortured by it right now and you can’t put it down and you don’t know which other book to read and you can’t think of anything else and you’re writing about how it’s driving you crazy and you don’t know if you’ll ever read what your writing.

So why are you actually writing it in the first place?
Fuck it. Let things stay or go, stop caring so much. Nothing in this world can ever matter so much to you that your life will cease to exist without it. People and things will come and go, that’s the way of life. There’s no point holding on to a piece of cloth that you've outgrown. Nostalgia is a fatal disease and it burns up a hole into you if you allow it to. But regretting what you have chosen and living with it is even worse.
So don’t cling on. Memories will stay with you, and you wouldn't want to spoil them with a bitter memory that you will be reminded of every time you think of the good ones.

So it’s better to leave the thing halfway and just keep the good part of it rather than pushing yourself too much to keep it longer and eventually lose the sunny side of it. And move on, try new stuff, explore new possibilities. 

So what I ended up realizing is that there is never one right way to live your life. And there isn't one best way either. And there's this one quote that might work for you at times when you are struggling between holding on and letting go: