A Thing of The Past

The other day, I was going through a piece by Lang Leav on ‘Lost things’, and after reading it, I started to think about all the people who were once very special to me, but are much like strangers today, or mere acquaintances. This thought made me uneasy. It’s like someone is the most important person in your life, someone you can’t imagine your life without, and then, gradually, due to certain circumstances or just indifference—with the passage of time—they lose their worth in your life and then, maybe five years later, when you come across a memory of them—an old photograph, or a souvenir they brought for you from their vacation abroad, or a letter or e-mail they wrote when you mattered, brings back all the memories in a flash of a second, and you begin thinking what was the main cause for the distance that prevails between you two now, and at most times, you can’t think of one substantial reason or event that triggered the parting. It seems more like a gradual decay, some little germ that once found a prospective cavity in the apparently insignificant tooth, and then went on eating it up till the whole of it was completely devoured, leaving behind a black spot, and making you wonder what was it that brought the germ in the very first place.

The germ may vary for different cavities. Sometimes you offend the person and their self-respect is too much of a hindrance to grant you forgiveness, sometimes you are too tired of trying to keep things going smooth, and after failing in your attempts to pull together all the pieces of your relationship, you decide to let go, with however a heavy heart, and the other person is too occupied with other stuff to have realized it; and sometimes it just happens that you meet new friends, and, unable to manage your time between the new and the old, you unconsciously ignore the latter, giving them an impression that you no longer need them, and by the time you are able to learn to manage, it’s too late and you aren't left with much to manage really.

Then another thought struck me, there are also people who I have known for a very long time, who are still as good as they ever were, and if there’s any change in my equation with them, it has only made it stronger.

So what is it exactly that differentiates the two categories? If I were witty enough to be able to decipher that, I guess things would have been different and I wouldn't be feeling all nostalgic right now and that nostalgia wouldn't be driving me to write this piece.

But still, it’s my rough guess, by analysis of my experience, that it is a matter of mutual desire and compatibility that keeps a relationship going or makes it a thing of the past. It is not a one sided effort, altogether, though you might have to put in some extra sweat at times or just not be an over-thinker and let things be the way they are for a while, it’s also about knowing how much to hold on and when to let go. It’s about discussing these limits with your friends and updating them frequently. It’s about sharing how you felt about something the other person did and giving them a chance to justify, or apologize. And most of all, it’s about forgiveness. For I read the following quote on the internet once:

 ‘A wise man will make haste to forgive because he knows the true value of time and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain.’

—Samuel Johnson

To sum it up, the best idea would probably be to apologize for your faults without a second thought and forgive those of the people you love. Because if you take too much time juggling between the possibility of holding on and letting go, then, by the time you arrive at a decision, you might not be left with a decision to make, and all you will be left with is that black spot—and memories that will make you nostalgic, or perhaps regretful.

You might be wondering what triggered these thoughts in my mind. So here's for you, 'Lost Things' by Lang Leav.